Last night, before I got into bed, I was distractedly wandering around the house getting everything ready for bed. I must have wandered in and out of the lounge room three times, each time forgetting something I needed and on the second last trip, going in to get my water bottle (one of those re-usable ones), getting distracted and coming back to the bedroom with something else in hand, only to return again to get the water bottle. Have you ever had a similar experience? Do you live life like this sometimes? Are you always thinking about something else, about what you have to do later, about tomorrow and yesterday? Most of us are, so don’t feel bad if the answer is yes, just keep reading, because mindfulness provides a simple, powerful antidote to this distracted, partly engaged way of living. But what is mindfulness?
Mindfulness means being aware of your present moment experience without getting lost in the thoughts that drift through your mind. It means deliberately paying attention to what is happening now, rather than daydreaming about what happened or what might happen. Try it now: as you read, try to tune in to your breathing and notice the physical sensations of breath. Notice the rise and fall of your shoulders and the expansion and contraction of your abdomen. Now, as you breath, notice what you can hear and pay attention to those sounds without analysing them, just listen. If your mind is commenting on your experience, notice those comments and allow them to come and go. If you get lost in a thought, gently bring your attention back to the present moment.
So, what did you discover? You may have noticed how noisy your mind is and how difficult it is to stay present. You may have found it peaceful and relaxing, or chaotic and confusing, either way is good. The thing about mindfulness is that there is no goal involved, it is a process. What I mean is that benefit is derived from the act of practising, not through getting better and ‘doing it right’. How can you do something ‘wrong’, when that practice is about experiencing the present moment without judgement? If you get lost in judgements, you can notice those judgements. If your mind is very busy, you can notice that business, that activity. It is easy to fall into the trap of trying to be ‘good at’ mindfulness, or of saying that ‘I can’t meditate, my mind is too busy.’ Who is telling you that story? Your mind of course! Your mind is generating a whole lot of noise, then telling you that, because of that noise, meditation is impossible, but this idea is based on a common misconception. Meditation is not about having a quiet mind, it is about experiencing the present instead of getting lost in thought. When we do this, our minds become naturally quiet, but sitting with awareness of a busy, monkey mind is also meditation, a term I use interchangeably with mindfulness.
Another way to explain mindfulness is that you start to see your stories as just stories, not as facts. What do I mean by stories? I mean the thoughts that pass through your mind every day about life, about your experiences, about other people. Your mind creates a running commentary about everything that happens, including judgements about yourself and others, complaints about different situations and about what should or shouldn’t be happening in your life. So what is a thought? It is normal to see your thoughts as facts, as the way things are, but they are no more than a theory, an idea, an interpretation. Let me use an example to illustrate what I mean:
You are walking down a busy street and see a friend walking the other way. They look up and appear to see you, but keep walking without acknowledging you. Your mind immediately generates stories about what happened, which might sound something like this: “She is so rude! She just completely ignored me as if I wasn’t there. She has always been a snob and this happens to me all the time. No-one appreciates me for who I am…” Other stories may arise in defence of your friend, telling you that she just didn’t see you or that she was distracted. This can lead to a mental argument with one story battling another for supremacy, comparing circumstancial evidence and old stories about that person to figure out what really happened. In truth, your mind actually enjoys this process as it gives it a task, something to work out, something to think about. But how does it feel when you get lost in a story like this? How does it affect the rest of your day, your week or your life? Does agonising over something like this give you anything other than stress and worry? Let’s examine an alternative course of action:
Your friend walks past without acknowledging you and you notice the stories starting to arise. You also notice that, when you believe these stories, you feel stressed, but when you just watch the stories come and go, they are actually quite amusing. You carry on your day, staying as present as you can, noticing when you get lost in a story and bringing your attention back to now. You enjoy the rest of the day and call your friend when you get home, not to examine her motives or find the truth, just to chat.
My escapades last night got me thinking about that water bottle as a metaphor for my awareness of the present moment, as I frequently lose it, spend time looking for it and inevitably get it back.
